Abuse and safety

Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person. Abuse is never okay.

On this page, you can find the following information:

What are the different types of abuse
What is family violence?
Where to get immediate help if you are being abused
Where to get other support if you are being abused
What do I do if I know someone is being abused?

Key points

Abuse can happen to anyone of any age or gender and from any walk of life.
No matter what your situation, you deserve to live without pain and fear.
Whether you’re the abused, the abuser or a concerned friend or family member, there is help available. It’s not okay to abuse someone, but it is okay to ask for help.
Learning about the different types of abuse and what you can do to stop or prevent abuse can make a difference in your own or someone else’s life.

Protect your privacy
Other people may be able to find out that you have been to this or other sites that talk about family violence. If you are a victim of family violence or abuse, you can hide your visit.

It is never okay for anyone to use violence to hurt or control you.

Nobody has the right to assault another person.
Nobody is allowed to have sexual contact with another person without permission.
Nobody has the right to use intimidation, threats or mind games to gain power over another person.

What are the different types of abuse?

Abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, financial or spiritual. Neglect is also a form of abuse.

Physical abuse includes:

hitting and punching
biting, pushing, choking or pulling your hair
making you drink or take drugs when you don't want to
using or threatening to use weapons.

Sexual abuse includes:

forcing you to have sex or do other sexual acts you don't want to do
touching you in a way you don't want
frequently accusing you of sleeping with other people
forcing you to watch porn or other sexual material against your will.

Psychological abuse includes:

making you feel like everything you do is wrong
constantly criticising you or your friends
humiliating you in front of your friends
using unsafe driving to frighten you
damaging property/walls/possessions to scare you
stopping you from seeing friends and family so you feel isolated and alone
blaming everything on you
threatening to take the children away or hurt them
stalking, following or checking up on you
harming pets to punish you
making you scared of what might happen next.

Financial abuse includes:

taking your money or property
running up debts in your name
misusing power of attorney
pressuring you into paying money for things.

Spiritual abuse (attacks to your wairua or spirit) includes:

belittling your whakapapa, beliefs, traditions or culture
not allowing you to participate in church, temple or other religious activities
stopping you from expressing your spiritual or religious beliefs
manipulating or coercing you to hold certain beliefs or carry out religious practices against your will
inappropriately using spiritual or religious beliefs and practices to justify other types of abuse and violence.

Neglect includes:

not providing enough food, clothing or warmth
leaving dependents alone or with someone who is unsafe
not providing comfort, attention and love
not providing appropriate or necessary medical treatment.

What is family violence?

Family violence is a crime

It is not a private matter. It is one of New Zealand’s most serious social issues. Elder abuse is also a significant concern.

Between 33–39% of New Zealand women experience physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Family violence is one of the leading causes of injury and death to women.
It also leads to short and long-term health problems such as mental illness, and problems with sexual and reproductive health.
Children who live in a home where there is violence are significantly more at risk of being the victims of physical, sexual and psychological abuse and neglect than other children.

Family violence can be carried out by anyone you are in a domestic or close relationship with. They don't have to be living with you. It could be a:

partner or ex-partner
carer
friend
flatmate or family member.

Family violence is never your fault

If you are a victim of family violence or in a relationship that makes you scared about your own or anyone else's safety, seek help as soon as possible. You have the right to be safe.

If you're unsure whether your relationship is abusive or not, you can take this positive relationship quiz.

Where to get immediate help if you are being abused

If you are in immediate danger, call the Police on 111. They will respond straight away.

National helplines

Are You OK: Phone 0800‑456‑450 (9.00 am to 11.00 pm).
Oranga Tamariki (Ministry for Children): For immediate concerns about the safety of children, when a child's behaviour is putting the safety of family members at risk, uncertainty about what to do next, or for advice phone 0508-326-459 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).
Shakti: Help for migrant and refugee women of Asian, African, and Middle Eastern origin who are victims of violence and abuse phone 0800‑742‑584.
Shine: Advocacy and refuges for victims of domestic abuse phone 0508-744-633 (9.00 am to 11.00 pm, 7 days).
Women's Refuge: Provides education programmes, support services, information, and safe housing to women, young people and children experiencing abuse, crisis line phone 0800‑733‑843.
Victim's information: A government service that provides information about local support services and the justice system to anyone affected by crime, phone 0800‑650‑654.
Victim support: Emotional and practical support, information, referral to other support services, and advocacy for the rights of victims, phone 0800‑842‑846.

Wellington region

Te Whare Tiaki Wāhine Refuge (Porirua)
Kōkiri Marae Māori Women's Refuge: A kaupapa-Māori support and advocacy service for wahine and tamariki living in the Hutt Valley phone 0800-733-843 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).

For longer-term and ongoing protection from a violent person, you can apply for an order:

a Police safety order – this is to protect people at risk from violence, harassment or intimidation for up to 5 days, but is usually for just a day or two
a protection order – this is longer-term protection from an abuser if you are in a domestic relationship with them
a restraining order if you are not in a relationship with the person abusing you
if children are involved you can also apply for an urgent parenting order (without notice).

Where to get other support if you are being abused

Family violence – where to get help Ministry of Justice, NZ
Victims information for people affected by sexual violence (English) Ministry of Justice, NZ
Victims information for people affected by sexual violence (te reo Maori Ministry of Justice, NZ
Safe to talk national sexual harm helpline free 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by calling 0800 044 334 or texting 4334. For people experiencing or carrying out sexual harm.
Shine helpline Call 0508 744 633 if you are experiencing violence or if you are worried about a friend, family member, child or anyone who might be living with abuse. Shine uses the NZ Relay service for people who are Deaf or hearing or speech impaired, and has access to an interpreting service if you need it.

What do I do if I know someone is being abused?

If you are a friend or acquaintance of a victim of family violence, you can help by listening and being supportive, ensuring the person and any children are safe and finding out what help is available in the community. It's okay to get involved – you could save a life. Find out how to reach out yourself and when you should call the police.

For concerns about child abuse and neglect contact Oranga Tamariki on 0508 326 459.

Learn more

Family violence – it’s not OK Information about family violence, what it is and where to get help.
Family violence Ministry of Justice, NZ
Domestic violence Women's Refuge, NZ
Rape Prevention Education Education about rape prevention and support for survivors of sexual abuse
Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga National Network of Stopping Violence Services Bicultural national anti-violence organisation
White Ribbon White Ribbon Day, 25 November, is the international day to wear a white ribbon to show you don't condone violence towards women
Help for family violence NZ Police
Abuse and violence Skylight, NZ
0800 Hey Bro This 24/7 number is for men who feel they’re going to harm a loved one or whānau member

Reference

Fanslow J, Robinson E. Violence against Women in NZ – prevalence and health consequences NZMJ 2004;117(1206).

Credits: Health Navigator Editorial Team. Reviewed By: Louise Morgan, Senior Clinical Psychologist, Centre for Psychology, Massey University, Auckland Last reviewed: 24 Jul 2020 Page last updated: 26 Aug 2022

	Resources
	Family violence translations of standard family violence terms Ministry of Justice, NZ
	Break free – a practical handbook for migrant and refugee youth breaking free from family violence Shakti Youth, NZ, 2017
	Culture – no excuse for abuse Arabic Traditional Chinese Hindi Farsi Punjabi Korean Shakti, NZ, 2014
	Abuse in multiple languages Health Translations, Australia Note: This resource is from overseas so some details may be different in New Zealand, eg, phone 111 for emergencies or, if it’s not an emergency, freephone Healthline 0800 611 116.
	It is OK to ask for help Cook Island Maori Samoan Tongan areyouok.org.nz
	You, me/us Rainbow Youth, NZ
	Aroha in action – a resource for whanau Di Grennell, NZ
	Domestic violence and disabled people Mental Health Foundation, NZ

Information for healthcare providers on abuse

The content on this page will be of most use to clinicians, such as nurses, doctors, pharmacists, specialists and other healthcare providers.

Assessment

From Auckland Regional HealthPathways:

Asking about abuse is similar to asking about any other health risk, e.g., alcohol intake or smoking. Practice makes it easier and more comfortable for a general practitioner.

If there is no disclosure and no concerning indicators:

Reassure the patient why the question was asked i.e., "because family violence affects health and we are asking all our patients about it".

If there are concerning indicators but no disclosure:

Offer support and reiterate that general practice is a safe place to discuss the issue, giving patients an opportunity for disclosure in the future.

If there is disclosure:

Provide emotional support. Acknowledge what the patient tells you and validate their experience e.g., "this is not your fault", "no one deserves to be treated like this".
Ask permission to continue with further questioning to determine the time frame of abuse e.g., "May I ask you a few more questions in order to identify the best support for you?"

For current abuse, ask questions to assess risk:

If patient discloses acute sexual assault abuse, do not investigate further.
For adults, follow the Recent Sexual Assault pathway and seek advice from the Pohutukawa Clinic.
For children or young persons, follow the Sexual Assault of a Child or Young Person pathway and seek advice from Te Puaruruhau.

For historical abuse, discuss possible referral options:

This could include counselling, information sources, and follow up as appropriate.
If indicated, see Previously Undisclosed Sexual Assault. This includes information on the ACC process and counselling support.

For urgent intervention:

Children

Te Puaruruhau (Child Protection)

For concerns about the safety of children and families.
All regions:
- phone (09) 307‑2860 extension 22140, or 021‑492‑365 (from 8.00 am to 5.00 pm weekdays).
- after hours, contact the on-call child protection paediatrician

Oranga Tamariki

For immediate concerns about the safety of children, when a child's behaviour is putting the safety of family members at risk, uncertainty about what to do next, or for advice.
Contact Oranga Tamariki National Call Centre, phone 0508-326-459.

Police

For immediate concerns about the safety of children, when a child's behaviour is putting the safety of family members at immediate risk, or when you have significant concerns that a crime has been committed.
Contact police on

Adults

Police contacts for adult sexual assault

Phone 111 in an emergency.

Crisis services for sexual abuse or assault

Contact Crisis Servicesto determine patient's options for action, depending on resources available.
The Pohutukawa Clinic provides urgent adult sexual assault medical and forensic assessment.

See local contacts in your Regional HealthPathways under 'Abuse'.

Useful resources

Family violence assessment and intervention guideline – child abuse and intimate partner violence Ministry of Health, NZ, 2016
Abuse and neglect of children Starship Children's Hospital, NZ
Domestic Violence Act 1995 Parliamentary Council Office, NZ, 2014
Detecting child abuse in general practice BPAC, NZ, 2011
NZ Family Violence Clearinghouse National Centre for Collating and Disseminating Information about Domestic and Family Violence in New Zealand
Short J, Cram F, Roguski M, Smith R, Koziol‐McLain J. Thinking differently – re‐framing family violence responsiveness in the mental health and addictions health care context Int J Ment Health Nurs. 2019 Aug 23.

Regional HealthPathways NZ

Access to the following regional pathways is localised for each region and access is limited to health providers. If you do not know the login details, contact your DHB or PHO for more information: